August 21, 2011



 "Home" doesn't really feel right as a word to use when referring to Chicago in the summer of 2011. I've been "home" for 5 days and I leave Saturday for the desert. Though, this un-homely "home" is beginning to change my behavior, probably because it doesn't register in my brain as a very permanent location. I'm working the oddest jobs right now, so as to get myself back on the road. I was a model two days ago, for $75 - a swimming one at that. I don't know how to swim, or at least I didn't. I've been selling photo supplies on the internet and I'll tutor math later this week. When I return, I'll work in a museum temporarily. All of these things expand well beyond anything I can call a usual routine. When I learned to swim a few days ago, I decided that day that I'm far less concerned with a straight-line-to-success career path, but way more interested in fulfilling one of the most cliché statements I've come across: "live life to the fullest." I want to be a swimming model that forces me to know how to swim, and an exhibition preparator too. I also want to dry recently washed cars with a rag and pick blueberries on a farm. Another decision I've made recently regards shame and embarrassment: I don't want to feel ashamed for anything I know I wanted to do at that moment. Examples: poor dance moves at a dance party, no apologies; kissing girls (when appropriate); self-absorbed time in general, like staying in on a weekend night or just not going to parties that I don't want to. I'm not sure that there's a way to explain these ideas without seeming selfish but maybe that's just it - it's a time to be selfish but with good intention. Summer is coming to an end and keys will have been in the ignition more than not, I regularly find myself wondering where I'm going with all of this.

Tangential note for future: Star Lounge sells Mexican Cokes. 


Chicago, 2011Matt Austin